Take it as red

Dad has just got back from Laos. I don't know why he went. Probably on a secret spy mission for his friend who sends him secret messages. I know they must be secret messages because he reads them very quickly and immediately presses the delete button.

Laos is a communist country you know; The Peoples Democratic Republic of Laos. It used to belong to the French. How can it belong to the French when it's so far away from France?

Anyway, they couldn't look after it properly so the communists said; "Right ho, bugger off you bloody frogs or we'll shoot you." They didn't need telling twice.

The Laos people are the same as us, but they talk a bit different. We are different to other people in Thailand, and we talk different too.

There are lots of different kinds of people living in Thailand, but the King says we must all be friends with each other, and stop shouting and being bloody stupid.

No one ever listens to the King, they should. And do what he tells them.

ANOTHER SUBTLE HINT

I'm nearly a year old now you know. I'm going to have a surprise party, but can't tell you, because I'm not supposed to know that I'm having a surprise party. .

People are really stupid. Just because I can't talk, they think I don't understand. I do you know.

I heard mum tell dad to get some jelly when was in Laos. He came back with 10 packets. Also, I heard dad say to Gary; "If you must come, bloody bring your own beer."

I don't really know what to expect a surprise party to be like. I don't think the kids will like it much, apart from the jelly.

I heard dad say that there will be no bloody Coca Cola and there should be lots of salad and vegetables. also, the snooker table is to covered up and made 'out of bounds'.

It will be so 'barrassing if no one has any fun and they won't look forward to when I'm two.

I shall be two next, after I am one. I'm not sure what happens after two, have to go to school like my brothers who aren't my real brothers I expect.

School is where you go to learn things, you know. My dad says they don't teach you much. except how to go around with a shaved head and not feel 'barrassed.

"They don't even know where their shoes are, let alone where Italy is," he said. I thought that was quite funny and also a bit silly, until yesterday.

Everyone was getting ready for school and Kop shouted; "Where are my shoes mum?" Dad looked at the ceiling and said; "There, what did I tell you?"