Birthday bash

I had such a great time on my birthday, I don't know where to start telling you about it. Loads of people came to see me. I remembered some of them and there were more that I've never seen before. They all brought me presents. Except my brothers who aren't my real brothers.

I don't know why they bothered really, all the presents were rubbish. except the plastic wrappers, that was good fun. Oh, the golf clubs were good. At first I thought; who could possibly think I'd want golf clubs? As it turned out, they were the best, and I had great fun bashing everyone with them. They're broken now.

The jelly was great. Blackcurrant is best. Strawberry is good too, but guava and mango made me feel sick. They were the last two I tried, and maybe I was a bit full by then, so don't let me put you off trying them for yourself.

I didn't get to eat the whole cake. Everyone just helped themselves and I only had a little bit for myself. I think that was very rude of everyone.

The next day we all went to the waterfalls. But dad spoilt it for me. I so much wanted to slide down the rocks and splash in the pool at the bottom, but dad wouldn't let go of me. He said I'll have to wait till I'm two. That's ages!

I have some lovely pictures of me at the waterfalls, but I'm not wearing any pants and dad says I can't send them to you in case the piddlefiles get to see them and come to get me.

I'd like to see them try. My dad would bash the all up. He says that all piddlefiles should be bashed up. I don't like them either, but I'm not scared.

I had some lovely birthday messages from some of you. But I have to tell those who didn't send me a birthday message that you are very thoughtless. It's not like I didn't remind you or something.

Anyway, Auntie June and Uncle Mick didn't forget. They are very old so could have been forgiven for forgetting. Is that why some of you forgot? Too old to remember? Maybe, if so, I forgive you. It must be difficult enough being old. You don't need to be told for it as well.

My Uncle June and Auntie Mick have been to Glassandberry, and danced with no clothes on like they were still hippies or something.

No one noticed that they had no clothes on. It just looked like their kaftans needed ironing. At least, that's what my dad said.

They had a great time and met Rolf Harris, their number one idol. He has a big didgeridoo. Dad says that's not rude you know. Even if it sounds rude. They met Willie Nelson as well, and that's not rude either.

I gave my dad a special treat for my birthday. I stood up without holding on to anything. I know it's not exactly like walking but it made him very happy. He called me a clever little bugger.

I love it when he says that to me.