The hole truth

I found my drum sticks. They were on top of the cupboard, and I had to put my drum on the chair and climb up to get them. They were at the very back. Behind a jug full of water and flowers.

Dad just smiled when he saw the broken jug on the floor. But mum was very cross. She said it was her favourite angel jug, and had liked all the sparkly colours on the angel's head.

I don't remember putting my sticks on top of the cupboard. And now they have pissadeared again. Oh well, I guess I'll go down the pub for a game of snooker.

Dad's down there now. fixing a big bullet hole in the roof. He says he doesn't know how it got there. He's such a liar.

Anyway, I now know why dad always goes down the pub when he's fed up with something. It's great, especially the snooker table. It has lots of little nets hanging down. When my dad has a game of snooker, sometimes a ball falls down a hole into one of the nets. I pick it out and throw it back up on the table and make him shout; "Oi!"

GETTING CUT OFF

It was great fun yesterday. Lots of other men were playing snooker 'cause dad was too busy. The balls were falling in the nets a lot quicker than when dad plays (I think he must be an expert). I had to rush around to put them back on the table. They didn't shout; "Oi!" (It must be an English word). They only laughed.

They were from the Electric Company. The first men to come said they wanted to 'cut my dad off ', for not paying the bill. I was scared at first but they meant shut down the electric.

My dad had the money ready, on top of the cupboard, ready to pay the man who comes to collect it. But he never came. Mum had to phone her Uncle who's a boss at the Electric Company. She told him off for frightening me.

He told the men off for frightening me and told them to go away. But they were playing snooker by then, and drinking my dad's beer. Mum made them some lunch and they called their friends, who were busy cutting other people off, to come and play snooker and have some lunch.

After about an hour there were ... I can only count up to five, so I don't know exactly how many there were, but they had drunk all the beer. So dad had to go and buy some more. He used the money he had saved to pay the electric bill.

By 4 o'clock, I know it was 4 o'clock 'cause mum had gone to get my brothers, who aren't my real brothers, from school, all the beer had gone again, so dad had to go and get some more. But his Mitsubishi was blocked in by all the orange coloured electric lorries. So he had to take one of their lorries to get the beer.

When he came back, the police came with him. They wanted to make sure he wasn't telling them lies again. When they saw the men playing snooker, they said they wanted to play too. They didn't wait their turn which was very rude, but no one seemed to mind.

Mum came home home and said; "Are they bloody staying for dinner? 'Cause I no have enough." They said; "Yes please."

Dad took me and my brothers, who aren't my real brothers, to the market to buy more pork, in the police car 'cause it was blocking everyone else in.

He put the flashing lights on and drove very fast. The car didn't have a special sound button so we all shouted; "Eeee Awww, Eeee Awww." Well I tried, but couldn't get it right. It sounded more; "Arrr Arrr." Anyway, it was great fun and the pork lady had a big surprise when she saw us in the police car.

It was a good thing that my dad thought to get some more beer as well, 'cause when we got back, everyone shouted; " I hope you got some more beer?"

The electric men had got fed up waiting for the police to let them have a go at snooker, so they switched on the karaoke machine, and were all singing. Dad said they were "making a real racket." So he went and got my drum set, and the sticks he found, and played drums while they were singing.

We all had a great time and dad says he doesn't know how I managed to sleep with all the noise.

He says he made a profit, even though the police didn't pay their share. But he doesn't mind 'cause they let him have a go with their gun.

And he expects me to believe he has no idea how the bullet hole got in the roof?