Who's calling?

Aren't telephones great? My dad doesn't like telephones. he says people only call him if its bad news, or they want something. But I love them. Even things that look like phones, I love. Like TV remote controls. Even shoes, well, they look like phones to me. I like to pick up, put to my ear, and say "Hello".

Sometimes I hear a voice back, though I don't understand what it means. It's usually the same lady and she says; "Sorry, but the person you require doesn't respond. Please try again later." Or something like that. I say "Hello", but she hangs up. She's very rude.

Sometimes the person says "Hello" so I say "Hello" back, and they say "Hello" again. I then say "Hello" and they say "Hello" back, so I say "Hello" again. And then they hang up.

Sometimes it sounds like my Auntie in Australia, and sometimes like my sister in England. But they only ever say "Hello".

Sometimes when I've hung up, the phone rings. My dad always takes it off me. He says; "Sorry, it must have been that little bugger India. How are you anyway?"

He then gives me his stern look. It doesn't scare me. Well only a little bit. I laugh and he looks at me sterner which makes me laugh even more. So he looks even sternerer. Then he laughs as well.

BUDDHA CAN YOU SPARE A BAHT?

It's been a special holiday here this week. I don't know why. Dad says its because the monks need the money. Mum says he shouldn't say that.

She says that monks are special people, and you have to be kind to monks and give them food and money, so you can be 'carnated into something nice when you die.

Dad said; "How much will it cost me to be 'carnated as a tree? And is it a different price depending on what kind of tree I want to be?"

Mum said he shouldn't say stupid things like that or he may be 'carnated as a dog. "That won't be so bad," he said. "Look at Jenny, Leo and Tiger. They just laze around all day waiting for their dinner. Just like monks do in fact."

Mum walked away, shaking her head, but he carried on talking to himself. I was listening though.

He said that the monks ought to get their act together, and make a price list. Like the Christians
used to do. Look how much money the Pope's got, for God's sake.

He then looked at me and said; "They used to sell insurance you know. People would buy a guarantee to get into heaven."

He looked thoughtful about what he'd just said, and added; "Well, it must have worked. No one ever came back demanding a refund."