telly belly

My brother Kop, who's not my real brother, has just had the results of his test to see which class he's in next month when he goes up to the big school.

Everyone is very pleased with him because he came in number 5 out of 268.

I think the other, what's 268 take away 5? anyway the others must be really stupid if there are only 4, I can do that one, are cleverer than him.

He's been at home now for ages, waiting to go up to the big school, getting on my dad's nerves. All he does is watch "Bloody cartoons" on TV and dad says they are not even good cartoons like he used to watch when he was a boy. I don't think they had TV in the war. But dad's such a liar, I never know when he's joking.

I don't mind him watching cartoons all day long because I can play jokes on him. I pull his big ears and climb all over him and sit on his head. He says I get on his nerves. It serves him right for getting on my dad's.

When I get tired, I sleep with my head on his tummy. He likes that. his tummy makes a splurty gurgle noise. not like my dad's which is big and grumbly. My mum's is best, it's soft and purry with the occasional blurt, which makes me laugh.

I suppose everyone has a different tummy noise, like everyone has a different nose. My nose is differ enter than anyone in the whole world. One of my nostrils is higher up my face than the other one. Mum says when I'm bigger I can have an operation to make it come down. But I think I may leave it up there. I like being different and think it makes me look extinguished.

WHAT THE HULL DO YOU KNOW?

In my last blog, i asked if anyone knew which football team in the league tables had a name with no letters you can colour in.

For those who couldn't be bothered to find out, the answer is; Hull City. Though I think you should have found out for yourself. It's the only way to learn , and you shouldn't stop learning just because you're old and I'm not.

You know, when you are young, you learn lots of new stuff every day, unless you just watch cartoons. But when you are old, all you do is forget things. At least, that's what my dad says.

He says he's forgotten more stuff than I've learned. Like, get real dad, It's not a competition.

POND LIFE

My dad's been busy making a new swimming pool, for the fish. It'll be the fifth one he's made, though he's just filled one in, in case I fall in and drown. Like I'm not going to fall in the new one and drown. If it gets finished before I'm too old to fall in.

He has thousands of fish in the big pond at the bottom of our garden. he grows them for sale though mum keeps eating them as soon as they are big enough.

I don't like fish to eat much. Mum mashed one up for me once. It was yuck. I like boiled rice mashed with egg yoke in chicken soup best. I also like yogurt, though dad says it's not proper yogurt and I wouldn't like proper yogurt anyway. But best of all is banana.

We have lots of bananas in our garden which is good because mum doesn't have to buy them and dad has enough money to buy beer.

Dad says she should grow a beer tree. he gives her bottle tops and says "Plant these with your green fingers." Mum's fingers are brown anyway and she says he's stupid to keep saying that.

I think it's a good idea and she shouldn't say he's stupid. Then instead of going down the pub, he can stay at home and pluck a bottle of beer off the tree the same as mum does when I want a banana.