Bodge the Builder

It was a very shouty sweary day yesterday. The builders showed up at last to make an extension to mum's kitchen. They told lots of jokes that dad didn't understand because he kept asking "Are you joking?"

It started with the price, and carried on when they started putting the bricks together. Dad said the cement mix was a joke and so was the mess they were making.

Dad said they were a pair of cowboy comedians and should be in a circus and not on a building site. They didn't understand so dad said in Thai that they were a pair of buffalo and should be in the field next door.

They didn't like being called buffalo and I think it made them very nervous because they kept making loads of mistakes and made dad shout at them all the time.

I've left out all the swear words to make it sound polite. some of my followers said I use too many bad words for someone so young. I'm 10 months old now you know and i like sweary words. They sound funny but I don't want to upset anyone.

SIMPLE ARITHMETIC

As if my dad's day wasn't bad enough, Gary called round to see why dad didn't go to the pub to watch the football last night. Dad said he was too busy, watching his toe nails grow.

"You can't be too careful," said Gary "My toe nails started to grow inwards, instead of outwards. I had to have a fucking (sorry, but that's what he said) operation to have them removed.

"Oh, you've had brain surgery, that explains a lot," said dad.

"No, stupid, I said I had surgery on my toes."

Dad didn't say anymore so Gary carried on "Had to go to the Soccer Bar, Dow's Pub was shut. I only had two bottles, bloody sixty baht a bottle, it's only 30 in Dow's." he said "fucking sixty baht a bottle" but I don't want to upset anyone. Bloody isn't a swear word you know.

"Is that a pint bottle or half pint?" dad asked.

"Big one."

"And does Dow sell big ones or little ones?" I don't know why he asked that, he goes there often enough himself to know.

"Little ones."

Dad had had enough, you could tell by the look on his face.

"India, what's 30 plus 30?"

It's a good job I can't talk yet because I didn't know. It would make dad very sad to think my arithmetic is as poor as Gary's.

Dad's swearing at the builders again and I don't mean "bloody". They can't get the door to fit in the hole in the wall. I heard him tell them yesterday to make the door first and fit the wall to it.

I better go and give him a cuddle.

I can wink now. I use both eyes to do it. Dad can only use one.