Where's my dad?

I woke the day before yesterday and went to my dad’s bed for a cuddle and he wasn’t there. Now I can’t find him and don’t know where he is. I remember he was extra cuddly before I went to sleep. But I couldn’t understand what he said as I was super sleepy.

I looked everywhere for him and waited all yesterday and today, but he hasn’t come back home. And I don't know where he is
.
He doesn’t have a phone. He says they’re silly. I think he’s silly for not having a phone so I can call him and know that he’s ok.

Maybe he’s been kidnapped by the mafia people and they want his collection of beer mats for a ransom. Everybody says his beer mats are smashing and they wish they had as many. They must be very val’able, ‘specially the clean ones.

I don’t think he’s been arrested. Not this time. He told me he doesn’t do bad things anymore. Not since he rebounded onto my mum and had me, and has only been arrested one time since I was born.

I remember, the police went away very wobbly legged after drinking all dad’s whiskey and soda, and dad saying; “Ten thousand Baht! Bloody disgusting! They should be arrested.”

Maybe he’s had to go away on business. But he doesn’t work so I can’t imagine what business he’s had to go away on. All he does is write his stupid books. He’s always saying that he will have to go away to get some peace and quiet so he can write better. Even on top of a mountain, in the middle of a desert, surrounded by an ocean, there wouldn’t be enough peace and quite for that.

Oh, it’s so ‘strating not knowing where he is. You will tell me if you know, won’t you. I won't mind if he's having a love affair somewhere, but he shouldn't forget me. I'm missing him so much. Please tell him to phone me.