Loy Krathong

I didn’t know it was a special day yesterday, so it was a big surprise to me when we went out at nightime and I saw all the lights. It was a majestical experience.

     All day long my brothers, well, I don’t know what else to call them, they live in my house, that my dad built, and mum feeds them, but they are no relatives of mine thank you, were making boats out of banana leaves and flowers. They put candles on them too, and I have to say, they did look good.

I tried to make one. It was rubbish, and I got shouted at for mucking theirs up. So I wasn’t in a very good mood again when mum’s friend, Cun, the man with one eye who winks at me with both eyes shut, like I do, came round and took us all to the lake. Not the one at the bottom of my garden, the one in town.

     When we got there, I was amazed. Everybody had been spending the day making banana leaf boats as well. All the candles were lit and were floating all over the lake. Mum lit our candles and we all floated our boats to join with the others.

     We had to make a wish to Mae Khong Kha. She’s the Goddess of all the water spirits. We have to say “Thank you” to her for the rain we’ve just had to make the rice grow. If she’s in the mood, and you don’t ask for something stupid, she’ll make your wish come true.

     I didn’t wish for my dad to come back. I thought that might be pushing my luck because my dad is going to come back, or not, when it suits him, not to please me or any old water Goddess. What I wished for was that if when he comes back, he brings me a pink Barbie bicycle with him.

     They don’t have Loy Krathong in England. Dad told me once that in England, everybody has to do what the Christians want. He said they get angry if you say you don’t want to, though it’s not so bad now. In the olden days, before the war, and even before my dad was born, they would kill you if you said “Get stuffed Jesus,” or anything like that.

     The Christian people have special days too, but they make their wishes for Barbie bikes and stuff to Jesus. My dad says that he is a symbol of their beliefs. He said that they believe Jesus’ mum was still a virgin when he was born. “Do me a favour” he said. Also that they celebrate the day when they killed Jesus for saying “Do me a favour” when they asked him if his dad was a carpenter.

     The Christians cebrilate killing lots of people in the olden days for saying “Do me a favour” when asked “Do you want to be a Christian?” The Christians don’t do that anymore. If people still want to do that, they have to join the Muslims.  

     

Kit see dam

I think I’ve caught my dad’s black thoughts. I don’t mean ‘caught’ because it’s not something ‘tagious, like a snotty nose. I think it must be ‘reditary, like a big nose, not that we have big noses, but we are both long in size for our ages. It’s really amazing having something like that in common. Better than having a big nose anyway.

     I’m long in size for my age, I’m one and a quarter years old and nearly a metre long. He’s... I don’t know exactly, but pretty old, and he’s nearly two metres long, which is really long for someone his age as well.

     You don’t see many really old people who are long in size do you? Dad said that that is because when you get old, you start to shrink in size. Either that or you drop down dead before you get to be really old.

     He used to say that he’d rather be dead than really old, even if shrinking in size would save him.

     Anyway, I’m getting diverted away from telling you about the black thoughts I think I’ve ‘herited. He used to have ‘kit see dam’ when he shouted at me to leave his bloody stuff alone. Now he’s not here anymore, I’m the one who gets fed up with people getting on my nerves. I get very fed up with it indeed.

      It’s not like when my brothers get on my nerves. That’s just them being stupid. They aren’t my real brothers anyway, so not worth getting upset over. Boys are just stupid. It’s their nature. They never really upset me. It’s not them that makes me ‘pressed. I can’t think what it is, it’s difficult to explain, I just feel really, really, fed up with everything.

     Like yesterday, I wasn’t hungry so gave my dinner to Leo. She always sits waiting for me to drop food, that’s why she’s so fat, but mum got cross with me. She didn’t shout or anything, but I just burst out crying. I never cry. Well a little bit when I’m tired and can’t sleep in case I miss something funny, but not for silly things.

     Sometimes I wish I could pack a bag, go away, and be on my own somewhere else. I’d make sure whatever it is that ‘presses me is left behind, then when I start missing everybody, I can come back.

     But I can’t do that because I’m too little enough.

     Maybe that’s why my dad isn’t here anymore. Maybe he’s waiting in India to miss me.

     Maybe that’s why I’m so ‘pressed. Maybe it is ‘tageous after all. He could have left behind whatever it was that ‘pressed him, gone away to wait until he starts missing me before he comes back, and I’ve caught it.

     He should be missing me by now though. It’s been ages. How long does it take to miss someone?

     I missed him the moment I woke up and found him gone.

Confessions of a bad girl

I think I’m becoming a cokeaholic. It was mum’s birthday yesterday and I got really drunk on Coca-Cola again. Did you know that there are many different kinds and colour of Coke? I’ve tried them all but I don’t recommend you try mixing yours when you drink it. I won’t ever again. I feel awful this morning.

     We had a great party for mum’s birthday. I forget how old she said she was now but it was a really big number. She said it was going to be her last one. I hope that means that she’s not going cebrilate in future and not that she is going too die before her next one. If she did; I’d be an orphan. That would be cool but I’d miss her.

     Have you ever done karaoke? It’s dead funny. Everyone takes turns to sing along to the song on the TV. Mum was best. My brother Kop, who’s not my real brother anyway, was rubbisher than anyone else. I just danced. I wanted to sing but every time someone gave me the stick called ‘microphone’ I got shy.

     I don’t know why it’s called ‘microphone’ because ‘micro’ means really small, and it was really big. Some words are a bit stupid I think.

     Dad phoned to say “happy birthday” to mum and spoke to me. I’m getting to be a liar just like him. He said “Don’t drink any bloody Coca Cola will you.” And I said “No”. It just came out. It’s the first time I’ve ever said anything. He was really happy to hear me speak.

     I tried to cover up my lie by saying “No” to everything he said. I thought it would make him think I didn’t know what I was saying. Now I feel terrible. He asked if I was missing him and I said “No”. He wanted to know if I’ve been a good girl and I said “No”.

     The first time I’ve ever had a proper conservation with him and I told two lies.

     It’s his fault really. If he hadn’t pissadeared like he did and stayed here to bring me up properly I’d be a good girl. I’d not have to tell lies and I wouldn’t have a drink problem.

Chicken run.

My chickens have a new home. I helped mum make a house for them. Their old one fell down when the wind came after the rain finished and we had to keep them in an empty fish tank. They didn’t say thank you and ran away instead. I don’t know; there’s no pleasing some chickens.

     It took nearly all day to find and catch them. I thought chickens were stupid but they are very clever at running and hiding.

     We have a mum chicken called hen and a dad chicken called cock. There are four baby ones called chicks and one in the middle but I don’t know what she’s called. Mum says that she’s going to have chicks soon. I can’t see how, she hasn’t got a husband, only a dad.

     I don’t have a dad. Not any more. He said he was coming home but that’s been ages and he’s only phoned twice. I don’t think he’s ever coming home, he’s such a liar and likes peace and quiet better than he likes me. I shouldn’t be on my own with only a mum and two brothers who aren’t even my real brothers, getting on my nerves all the time.

     I’ve sent loads of e-mails but he left his precious ‘puter behind and I don’t know if they have internet in India. Probably not, I’ve seen pictures of India and it’s very ‘fusing; they have loads of diamonds and money and stuff, but everyone is poor and would love to live in a house as nice as the one our chickens have. I don’t know why they don’t sell their diamonds and build proper houses for everyone.

     And get plugged into the internet.