Confessions of a bad girl

I think I’m becoming a cokeaholic. It was mum’s birthday yesterday and I got really drunk on Coca-Cola again. Did you know that there are many different kinds and colour of Coke? I’ve tried them all but I don’t recommend you try mixing yours when you drink it. I won’t ever again. I feel awful this morning.

     We had a great party for mum’s birthday. I forget how old she said she was now but it was a really big number. She said it was going to be her last one. I hope that means that she’s not going cebrilate in future and not that she is going too die before her next one. If she did; I’d be an orphan. That would be cool but I’d miss her.

     Have you ever done karaoke? It’s dead funny. Everyone takes turns to sing along to the song on the TV. Mum was best. My brother Kop, who’s not my real brother anyway, was rubbisher than anyone else. I just danced. I wanted to sing but every time someone gave me the stick called ‘microphone’ I got shy.

     I don’t know why it’s called ‘microphone’ because ‘micro’ means really small, and it was really big. Some words are a bit stupid I think.

     Dad phoned to say “happy birthday” to mum and spoke to me. I’m getting to be a liar just like him. He said “Don’t drink any bloody Coca Cola will you.” And I said “No”. It just came out. It’s the first time I’ve ever said anything. He was really happy to hear me speak.

     I tried to cover up my lie by saying “No” to everything he said. I thought it would make him think I didn’t know what I was saying. Now I feel terrible. He asked if I was missing him and I said “No”. He wanted to know if I’ve been a good girl and I said “No”.

     The first time I’ve ever had a proper conservation with him and I told two lies.

     It’s his fault really. If he hadn’t pissadeared like he did and stayed here to bring me up properly I’d be a good girl. I’d not have to tell lies and I wouldn’t have a drink problem.

Chicken run.

My chickens have a new home. I helped mum make a house for them. Their old one fell down when the wind came after the rain finished and we had to keep them in an empty fish tank. They didn’t say thank you and ran away instead. I don’t know; there’s no pleasing some chickens.

     It took nearly all day to find and catch them. I thought chickens were stupid but they are very clever at running and hiding.

     We have a mum chicken called hen and a dad chicken called cock. There are four baby ones called chicks and one in the middle but I don’t know what she’s called. Mum says that she’s going to have chicks soon. I can’t see how, she hasn’t got a husband, only a dad.

     I don’t have a dad. Not any more. He said he was coming home but that’s been ages and he’s only phoned twice. I don’t think he’s ever coming home, he’s such a liar and likes peace and quiet better than he likes me. I shouldn’t be on my own with only a mum and two brothers who aren’t even my real brothers, getting on my nerves all the time.

     I’ve sent loads of e-mails but he left his precious ‘puter behind and I don’t know if they have internet in India. Probably not, I’ve seen pictures of India and it’s very ‘fusing; they have loads of diamonds and money and stuff, but everyone is poor and would love to live in a house as nice as the one our chickens have. I don’t know why they don’t sell their diamonds and build proper houses for everyone.

     And get plugged into the internet.