Kit see dam

I think I’ve caught my dad’s black thoughts. I don’t mean ‘caught’ because it’s not something ‘tagious, like a snotty nose. I think it must be ‘reditary, like a big nose, not that we have big noses, but we are both long in size for our ages. It’s really amazing having something like that in common. Better than having a big nose anyway.

     I’m long in size for my age, I’m one and a quarter years old and nearly a metre long. He’s... I don’t know exactly, but pretty old, and he’s nearly two metres long, which is really long for someone his age as well.

     You don’t see many really old people who are long in size do you? Dad said that that is because when you get old, you start to shrink in size. Either that or you drop down dead before you get to be really old.

     He used to say that he’d rather be dead than really old, even if shrinking in size would save him.

     Anyway, I’m getting diverted away from telling you about the black thoughts I think I’ve ‘herited. He used to have ‘kit see dam’ when he shouted at me to leave his bloody stuff alone. Now he’s not here anymore, I’m the one who gets fed up with people getting on my nerves. I get very fed up with it indeed.

      It’s not like when my brothers get on my nerves. That’s just them being stupid. They aren’t my real brothers anyway, so not worth getting upset over. Boys are just stupid. It’s their nature. They never really upset me. It’s not them that makes me ‘pressed. I can’t think what it is, it’s difficult to explain, I just feel really, really, fed up with everything.

     Like yesterday, I wasn’t hungry so gave my dinner to Leo. She always sits waiting for me to drop food, that’s why she’s so fat, but mum got cross with me. She didn’t shout or anything, but I just burst out crying. I never cry. Well a little bit when I’m tired and can’t sleep in case I miss something funny, but not for silly things.

     Sometimes I wish I could pack a bag, go away, and be on my own somewhere else. I’d make sure whatever it is that ‘presses me is left behind, then when I start missing everybody, I can come back.

     But I can’t do that because I’m too little enough.

     Maybe that’s why my dad isn’t here anymore. Maybe he’s waiting in India to miss me.

     Maybe that’s why I’m so ‘pressed. Maybe it is ‘tageous after all. He could have left behind whatever it was that ‘pressed him, gone away to wait until he starts missing me before he comes back, and I’ve caught it.

     He should be missing me by now though. It’s been ages. How long does it take to miss someone?

     I missed him the moment I woke up and found him gone.