It'll come out in the wash

Mum is doing the laundry today. But then, she does the laundry everyday. One load is in the wash, one load is drying, and one load is getting dirty again.

Dad says it's a bit like life itself. One load is sleeping, one load is working its nuts off, and one load does bugger all.

I think he thinks he's like the second load, but really he's more like the third, when he's not the first.

And he sounds more like Forest Gump every day. I expect he'll come out with things like; "Life is like a washing machine; you never know what colour your pants will come out."

SOCCEROONEY

Everyone is talking about the football all the time. Everyone has gone "World Cup crazy'. 'cept my dad and me.

They all want Brazil to win. I want England to win. I don't know why really. I 'spect it's because David Beckham is English. He's not playing this year, you know. It's because Posh Beckham doesn't want him to go to Africa on his own and get AIDSHIV.

Dad calls him David Beckhamandeggs and says it's because he's too old. He's such a liar. David Beckham isn't old. I've got a photo of him wearing the shirt that Posh bought him for his birthday. It says he's 23.

Dad says the best thing about the World Cup is that we won't be seeing much of Gary. He's World Cup crazy and is staying at home to watch the football., which dad says is "a bloody good job."

EVERYTHING IN THE GARDEN ISN'T ROSES

Mum has finished the laundry now and is cutting the grass. Dad says you can't cut the grass when it's wet. He's such a liar. My mum can.

Dad says that's because she's Thai. Mum says it's because she doesn't want dad to cut all her plants again. Dad says that if she grew plants with flowers on them he would know not to cut them. Mum says you can't eat the plants with flowers on them. Dad says you can't eat the plants she grows anyway. Mum says Thai people can. Dad says Thai people can eat anything. Mum says she'll eat him if he doesn't shut up.

That shut him up.