Countdown to my special day

I'm so excited I cannot sleep. Only two more days and I will be one year old. The best bit is; I'm going to have a party.

I don't know exactly what a party is, but I know you have to have a very tidy house for it. Mum has been extra busy with her scrubbers, and even dad has been busy, as mum has let him use the grass cutter machine. He had to promise not to go near anything that looks like it maybe a plant. So there are lots of clumps of big grass everywhere.

Mum has given all her friends an invitation. (That's a note saying; please come to my party). Dad made them on his 'puter, and they're in English which mum says is no bloody good because none of her friends can read English. Dad said; "That's good, maybe they won't come."

Dad said not to bother giving one to Gary as he can't read English either. Unfortunately he knows it's my birthday so will be coming anyway, especially as England can't play football in Africa anymore.

Dad says Germany beat England because they are rubbish. I think it's because Posh Beckham wouldn't let David play. Anyway, Uncle Giovanni will be coming which dad says is good. "At least he brings his own beer."

Uncle Giovanni used to be the boss of the mafia in Sicily, but he got fed up have to send hits out on everyone all the time. So came to Thailand for some peace and quiet.

He grows pigs now and sends rude e-mails to dad. he says he grows pigs to eat, but he's only joking. Giovanni only eats spaghetti and tomatoes.

I don't think mum is making spaghetti for my party. We're having brabeque. So he will probably have to go without and get grumpy again.

I wish you could come, but I know you live too far away. Two teachers from Kop's school are coming though. One of them is English and the other is American.

Dad says Americans are like English people but without any manners.

His name is John and he used to live in Alaska, which is nearer to Russia than it is to America. So he will probably be better behaved.

I hope everyone likes brabeque. I have six teeth now so am looking forward to it. That is if I don't get too filled up with the jelly dad brought back from Laos.

There are ten different flavours and I'm going to have one of each. I bet you didn't know there are ten different kinds of jelly did you. Well there are. I will tell you which one is best.

There's one thing I'm worried about though; I can't walk yet. Dad gave me one of his boring lectures today. He's told everyone that I will be walking before I'm one year old. He told me I'd better get my bloody skates on if he's not going to made out a liar.

Well, I don't have any skates. Even if I did they'd be no use if I can't even walk. Honestly, my dad can be so stupid at times.