The prefect world

Hi everybody, I got some great news.

I can do a poo standing up. Not many people can do that. Dad says even Uncle Malcolm can't do that, "not sober at any rate." Uncle Malcolm lives in Australia but they don't want him there. Dad says"If he can drink their awful beer he deserves to stay."

When he saw me stand up for the first time, he was amazed 'cause I'm only 8 months old.
I'm nearly 9 months actually but 8 months sounds more impressive.

He said he knew I was a clever little bugger and then I did a poo at the same time.

Mum wasn't so impressed, she'd just washed the floor, but dad said "If only she could talk as well, I could put her down for Oxford and she could be a politician."

I don't think I would like to be a politician. Dad says they are "scumbags" and should be banned. I don't want to be a scumbag and get banned. What I think he really meant was, well, I can't think what he really meant.

Dad has some great ideas about what should and shouldn't be. He says that in the perfect world there'd be no money, no religion, no politicians and people would be allowed to smoke in the pub.

That's weird, because it's almost exactly what I wished for. That and to have David Beckham for my real dad. I'd keep mum for my real mum though. I think she'd like that too.

I'd keep dad as well. He could live next door and write his books and smoke his cigarettes and shout at the servants and I could have my own 'puter and...

Oh, but I'm only dreaming again. I'll never have my own 'puter.

TRUST ME, THIS IS TRUE

Now don't go thinking that because I'm only 8 months old, I don't understand because I'm nearly 9 months and I do.

My dad says, and I believe him, "If every one trusted everyone else and we were all trustworthy, there would be no need for anything else."

The irony, yes I've looked it up and don't understand the explanation, but it's the word he used so I'll let it stand, is that the least trustworthy someone is, the more they benefit from those who are.

He says that we only need money because we can't trust people to do in return what we do for them. Who has the most money? The same people we should trust the least.

We have politicians because people are too stupid to tell them to "fuck off". They say "OOo, trust me and I won't take so much of your money to give to the rich people." The stupid people trust them and we all get shafted.

He says religion is another thing not to trust. It only exists because people can't be trusted not to go bonkers if there wasn't the slight chance they'd get fried when they died and can't be trusted to be nice to each other without the fear.

But above all, he says, don't trust people with smiley faces. They're always after something.

I keep my toys in a box because I can't trust Manchester not to touch them and snot on everything.

I hope I can trust you to keep clocking my blog now that it's starting to sound a bit preachy. I've looked at some of the other blogs and Jesus Christ don't they preach!.

I promise to write about love affairs next time.