Toilet tips.

Isn't poo lovely.

When you've tried all the usual tricks to get attention, do a poo. Everyone will say" Cor blimey, what's that smell? I bet India (or whatever your name is) has done a poo. Then they will come and give you the attention you crave. And you may get a bath into the bargain.

Sometimes I hold it in, not all the time, sometimes it comes out on it's own but if I can, I hold on until every one's doing what they call ' important stuff '. When no one is taking any notice of me. Then I do a poo. If you know its bath time, and I can tell, hold on until after you're all dried and powdered and dressed. Then do a poo. It's great you get to have another bath and lots of attention.

Farts are different. If you're growed up, don't do farts. Everyone just says you're disgusting. I know this from when my dad does one. "Oh, you're disgusting." They all say. But when I do one, everybody laughs.

It's such a shame I can't do farts when I want to. They always come out when they want to. I think they have a mind of their own. Maybe they just sit around inside my bum and think "I wonder what the weather's like today?" Then they come out for a look and say "Oh, it's windy again."

GOING FOR GOLD

My dad is definitely boss in our house.
It's just that mum has the better ideas, so we always do what she says.

He'll say "I think I'll just pop down the pub." and she'll say
"No, I want you to look after India, I have to do the ironing." Or he'd say,
"I have have lots of work to do today so I want peace and quiet."
"Well, change India first, I think she's done another poo." I like it best when mum changes me. She sings lovely songs. Not like him.
He says silly things like; "Yes, I'll change her, I'll change her for a baby that doesn't Shit for Thailand." He's only joking of course.
If I was that good he'd want to keep me and put me in the Olympics.

He'd be dead proud, and Thailand would be champions of the world at something for once.

Did you know that 'fried rice ' in Thai is 'cow pat'? Dad thinks it's very funny when mum says "We got cow pat for tea today." I can't see what's funny about fried rice, can you?